Before you start to make your assumptions or call me crazy, hear me out! I saw a meme the other day on Instagram and it stated, “Please Don’t Call Me A Strong Independent Black Woman” and my reaction was probably similar to yours, however; when I took more time to reflect on that statement it made perfectly good sense.
That statement was created not as a term of endearment, but something to steer our black men from loving us because we have it all together. Never have I heard “I am a strong independent white woman” or “I am a strong independent Latina woman” and that is for good reason. We, as black woman, have been cultured to scream that we are independent and we do not need a man, but is that true? Are we fine being without a man? Are we comfortable being alone? For me, that answer is no and I need to take the steps to reverse my thinking so that I do not lose my future husband being too independent. I have been in relationships and heard multiple times that I have a hard time letting a man be a man and for the longest I just assumed that they were not able to handle a women like me. They need someone who is not their equal, someone who doesn’t have their life together, and needs a man to validate them. I never once took responsibility and never made any changes, because let’s face it – I wasn’t the problem or so I thought. Speaking for myself only (but I am sure a few of you can relate) I thrive on the fact that I am educated, have a career, can pay my bills, and live a decent lifestyle. But that doesn’t mean that I need to scream that at the top of mountain tops. There are plenty of successful woman who are in happy relationships because they understand that relationships are partnerships. I am just trying to be like one of them.
Yes, I am strong and can power through almost all challenges faced because God is on my side. Yes, I am independent and have been able to make a decent life with what I have accomplished. Yes, I am a black woman out here beating the statistics. But please don’t put that statement on me as if I am fine being a single black woman. Please don’t say that statement in reference to me because like all woman, this brown girl needs love too.
Love, Brown Girl
“Love is needing to be loved” – John Lennon