As some may be aware, I recently lost my grandfather and I’m still dealing with the impact of that. Unlike most people my age, I was extremely close to my Grandparents. If I didn’t see them at least once I week, my week was off. They did so much for me growing up like ensuring we had the best Christmas’s (even once I became an adult), working to get my first job, my driving permit & license, teaching me to drive, buying my first laptop for college, countless motivation conversations, numerous accounts of them sliding me $20 just because, and the infinite amount of love.
For that, I vowed that I would do whatever I could to help them as they got older. On Wednesday’s, I would go and sit with my Grandfather while my Grandmother went to choir rehearsal. On Sunday’s, I would go and sit with my Grandfather while Granny was at church. If there was a grocery trip, nail/hair appointment or doctors appointment and I could take - I would, easily. Once we lost my Grandmother, I went in to go mode for my Grandfather. Every Saturday the nursing staff at his nursing home knew I was coming and knew that I didn’t play about him. I would check on medicine, his clothes and iron them if needed, ensure that he had his cigs (yes he still smoked), & that he was taken care of. I made sure I did whatever I could for them because they had that same energy for me.
I said all that to show how much of a role they played in my day-to-day. How much they had an impact on my decisions. But now I’ve been questioning “what’s next”? What’s the next thing that I can do and focus my energy on? I’ve always wanted to pick up my life and relocate to another place, but I would never have done that knowing how my presence helped them. It would’ve felt like I betrayed them or just forgot about them and I could have never done that. But now, what’s my hold up? Yes, I’m in a relationship & I have family here - but I can’t shake this constant urge to just get up and leave. It feels like the universe is giving me all the signs to do so and I think I’m going to answer. Heaven only knows when, but I think the time is now for me to put forth the effort and step out on faith.
I know that this is something that my Grandparents would want for me. I know that they would be proud of me for stepping out there and trying something new. I know that they’re in heaven pulling strings, making moves for me, and guarding & guiding me so I have nothing to fear. The lesson is for me to listen to God and the signs that he is showing me. To not fear the unknown and be willing to move forward on faith and not by sight. To force myself out of my comfort zone and live life a little.
I hope by me sharing my story it will help you think about those things you’ve put off doing and go for the things that make you uncomfortable. Life’s too short to not try new things & go to places!
Love, Brown Girl
“What feels like the end is often the beginning” - Unknown