You Have To Put In Work

It kills me to see people in our generation want things to come to them fast and quick. I understand why we may have that misconception, internet, reality TV shows, social media will have us really thinking that people became an overnight success without putting in any work. Some people really think that people have a million followers, successful businesses, a lot of money, and success because they woke up and became the chosen ones. Even people who inherit money, it was someone in their family that had to put in the long hours and hard work to get things done. 

Now that I finally understand what it is that I want to do and what I believe my purpose is right now (side-note: just because something is your purpose right now, doesn’t mean that it won’t change) I am dedicating my energy to that. There are sometimes I want to go home and get in the bed, some days I don’t even want to look at Instagram (let alone post), and sometimes I don’t even want to think about what topic I should write about but I think about my purpose and I keep it going. I receive DM’s and comments from so many women sending encouraging notes that I KNOW this is what I am supposed to invest my energy and time on. In case you didn’t read my last post on protecting your energy, click here to read https://lovebrowngirl.com/blog/energy. 

When I get behind this laptop and write these posts or work on other projects like 'From: Two Brown Girls', I get energized. I am motivated and encouraged to keep pushing forward. No, I don’t have all things worked out. No, I don’t have the funds to do everything that I want to do. No, I don’t have all the answers. But I will put the work in. If it takes me to come home from work to write a post, reach out to people who can help me get closer to my goals, reply to DM’s and comments on social media, to taking time to research successful blogs - I will do that. 

I may not know everything or have everything, but I am determined to put in the time to get there. 

Love, Brown Girl 

“We have the same amount of hours in the day a Beyonce” - Unknown 

We Have To Treat Our Energy Like We Treat Our Money

In today’s time (with social media) it is so easy to see what others are doing, whats new in their lives and what scandals surround celebs so its even easier to pick up other people’s energies - which is why we have to protect our own. I noticed that for myself after watching certain shows or interacting with certain people my mood would shift and my vibe would change. I wanted to take a step back and figure out why this may be the case. Most people, like myself, like to help others and are willing to do whatever it takes (within reason) to help. We often listen to their stories or experiences and immediately relate to it and put ourselves in their shoes; however, in doing that, there was a transfer in energy that occurred and now we are left feeling like that person. Their problems become ours and now our energy matches theirs. 

Growing up in a non-traditional home, I often found myself being a chameleon. I became so good at adapting myself to any situation so that I would not allow myself to be a burden on anyone. If I felt the energy in the room was happy, I would be too, even if I didn’t quite feel that way. If people in the room were somber and quiet, then so was Brittany. That technique helped me growing up, but I didn’t realize that it would be detrimental as an adult. Mimicking the room would not allow me to be my authentic self and was causing me to pick up other’s energies and keep it with me. Letting friends failing relationships, work disagreements/changes, friends personal battles change how I felt or alter me was something that I could not afford to do any longer. Yes, I would continue to be supportive and lend a listening ear to their problems but I could no longer afford to carry that weight on me. 

When walking into situations where I know my energy would be impacted, I would simply pray. Pray that God allows me to listen, offer advice (if asked), provide solutions and then let it go. It's in my nature to adapt people’s problem as my own and overextend myself to help. But I have learned to be ok with doing what I can. I told my friend once, “somethings are not meant for me to understand and I have to be comfortable with that” and that is truly how I have to be. It's not for me, you or anyone else to understand why people are always negative, why they make the choices that they make, or date the people that they do. It's my job to be a supportive person, lend a listening ear, and shake the vibe off once we're done. 

Do what you feel you have to do to protect your energy like it's your money. Unfollow negative accounts on social media, listen to positive songs (a little Jill Scott, Brandy, India Arie, gospel, etc.), light some candles (because scents invoke positive vibes), burn sage or have a glass of wine. We all have our own problems/issues so there is no need to allow others to weigh us down. 

Love, Brown Girl 

"Become more aware of what's really worth your energy and what's not" - Brittany D. Dunlap 

To Be A Vegan Or....

Like most of you, I am sure you have heard about the many health benefits that come with being vegan. Changing your diet to a plant-based one has the potential to reduce your chances of cancer cells, provides better nutrients, help with weight loss, and countless other things. It literally has so many health reasons and since I am pescatarian (only eating fish), most people assume that I should be able to do it - but I just can’t. I honestly can't imagine life without cheese, eggs, and most importantly chocolate. During Lent this year, I gave up seafood and I thought I was not going to make it past 40 days. The good thing is that I have made a conscious effort to not have seafood for at least 3 days out of the week and that is as far as I am willing to go (right now). 

Since I am aware of the health benefits that come with being vegan, one would think that I would make the full transition but for the life of me, I just can't. I know people that have made the transition and they state that life is so much better and that they would never turn back. But, seriously, how can you live life without chocolate? 

I, personally feel that life is too short to feel guilty or cut out things that you love. I made the decision to cut out all red meat and chicken because it wasn’t something that I still enjoyed. When I would cook red meat and see the transformation, it would make me sick to my stomach and I would not want to eat it. For me, it was an easy decision to cut those things out that turned my stomach but for things that I still love to eat, I will continue to do so. 

I believe we can do all things in moderation. If you love fried chicken, enjoy that once a week. If pasta is your thing (like me) try to have it only every few days. If sweets make you happy, eat one KitKat instead of two. If Ramen noodles are your thing, just throw them away because the sodium is too high and high blood pressure isn’t cute. But other than that, do what makes you feel good about yourself and allows you to live your best life. 

I am not saying that I won’t ever make the transition to veganism but I am saying that I am doing what makes me happy. Signing off as I eat chocolate!
Love, Brown Girl 

“Food is essential to life; therefore, make it good” -Unknown 

Whose Credits Are You In?

I recently participated in a discussion group with Toussaint Romain who is a public defender and an activist in Charlotte. He came to my job and hosted a ‘Ted Talk’ presentation about moving small pebbles. His primary theme was to explain to us that small efforts make a difference. After that presentation, a small group of us were selected to have a discussion with him offline to ask more in-depth questions. 

Being that my current employer hires a lot of your people who are just starting their careers, there was an overwhelming feeling of us not “doing enough” because we have put so much focus on getting into our careers and lost sight of giving back. Most of us volunteer with our job with our several non-profits but the mutual conscious amongst the group is that we should be doing more, a lot more. During this discussion, he wanted to ease our minds to let us know that our small efforts are still making an impact on the bigger picture. He went on to give us a real-life example of how this works. He explained how when he goes to a movie he is the last person to leave the theater.  During the credits of the movie you see the director, producer, writers but then you also see the camera grip person, make-up artist, stylist, extra number one, etc.. His point was that no matter how small your role was that if you helped in any way with a movie you were recognized and that is how we should view our lives. This was an eye-opening moment for all of us. We all took a moment to think about, who was in my credits, whose credits am I in? 

The point of this post is not for me to list out all of the people who have been instrumental in my life of those that I think I have impacted; however, it’s to help inspire you (and myself) to continue to make a conscious effort to help others, support family and friends goals, and help push the needle forward for someone else. Most of us may not know what our small pebble of change is, but someone you know may know theirs. Help them with their goals/plans and in turn, the universe will help you with yours. 

My grandmother uses to say, “we must be a service to others as someone once was to us”. She was 86 when she passed away still being an active volunteer at her church managing their food panty every Tuesday, volunteering during voting seasons, donating clothes to Kidney Foundation, and occasionally working at homeless shelters. None of them were her personal pebbles or her main goals in life, but she knew her efforts were helping others and wanted to do what she could, big or small. 

That mentality displayed by Toussaint and my grandmother is one that we all should try and adapt. Reach out to your family and friends, support their causes, volunteer, donate, help your church, etc. Because, let's face it, we don’t know whose credits we have the potential to be in. 

Love, Brown Girl 

“Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you”. - Mother Teresa 

A few of my family and friends that are working on their Peebles: 

Mackenzie Lewis - Founder of YMe? @ymecharlotte on Instagram
Committed to supporting youth in at-risk schools in their pursuits to empower their own communities, build financial literacy and reach their goals

Cory Bennett - Founder of Exchange LLC @xchangellc on Instagram
Promoting creation, collaboration, and change in Charlotte, with an emphasis on young black men 

Jason Streeter - Coach of LifeHoops lifehoops.org @lifehoops_clt & @jstreet718 on Instagram
LifeHoops coached young individuals to become leaders on the court, at school, and in their communities 

Darnele Chisholm - Owner of Sharp as Nellz @sharp_as_nellz on Instagram
Offering discounted haircuts and volunteer efforts to kids in the inner city of Charlotte 

Gotta Appreciate The Small Things

I went to a church service a few weeks ago and in the service, the pastor told a story about his mother. He explained that his mother was poor and that his father lived down the street and lived a decent life. Although his mother had gone through a lot and had to raise kids as a single parent she made a mission to keep them in church and show them how to appreciate the little things in life. He observed his mother praying at night and how she took the time to thank God for the cup of milk that allowed her to make biscuits for her family, how she would thank God that she had enough to pay the light bill so that her children would not be in the dark, or how should would thank God for having children that loved to be in church. After hearing that story, I have noticed that my prayers at night have gotten longer and longer because I have so much to be thankful for. In today’s time, it is easy to get caught up in what you don’t have. What you see others doing on social media. How much more you want. But I have been making a more conscious effort to take a moment and thank God for the things that I do have because there are so many people who wish they could trade places with me. 

This past weekend I was able to really sit back and think about the many blessings that I have. I have friends that are truly in my corner supporting me with every endeavor that I take. I love that I have friends that are getting married, getting promotions at work, having healthy relationships, and getting these businesses and creative ideas off the ground. When I think about where I was a few years ago, dealing with friends and their issues – I am so happy that I am surrounded by people who are looking to elevate the group and not bring anyone down. 

My family is a true testament to being blessed and how I appreciate the little things. My brother was able to go on a car lot and purchase a car that was safe and reliable for his family. The growth that I have seen with him within the past two years has been amazing. Seeing him adjust his mindset and truly think like a grown man has been a blessing and something that I wish my grandmother was around to witness. My Aunt has truly been a rock in my life since the passing of my grandmother. The connection and conversations that we have are priceless. I used to turn to my grandmother for relationship advice, home remedies, guidance on big purchases, and just normal conversations that a woman would have with her mother – I now am able to have those same conversations with her. I don’t think she truly understands how our on the drive home talks really have made the world of difference and I am blessed to have it. 

From my most recent raise (praise Jesus) to seeing my family win, and having great friends around me, I have been able to sit back and thank God for the things that he provided me. It is so easy to think about the things that I want to have, to think about the how I am not where I thought I would be at this age, think about how I wish I could have this or that, but I need to take a moment and thank the heavens above for the things that I do have. As people, it is nice to aspire to have more and you should have goals to get you to the next level. But we all should be like the pastor’s mom and take the time to thank God for what we have. 

I thank you all for taking the time to go to my site and read this post. You could’ve been doing anything other than reading this, so I am grateful and so appreciative of that. 

Love, Brown Girl 

“Happiness will never come to those who don’t appreciate what they already have.” –Unknown