How Blessed We Really Are...

In the past two weeks, God has shown me how blessed I am. I know that there are many instances in life that we take for granted but I want to walk you all through this story about a family member with the hopes of sharing how blessed you are to be where you are right now.

I had a cousin (2nd cousin) who had to stay with me for a week and his situation made me thank God for having me right where I am. Without sharing too many details of his personal life, I can just paint a picture that I hope allows you to understand this situation. Like so many people in the world, when he was born one of his parents realized they were too young or not prepared to be a parent and decided that they could not do it. As you may have thought, it was the father - but not in his case. To this day, he has never seen or spoken to his mom. So as a young child, his dad (my cousin) moved out of state with the hopes of starting over and giving him a better life. For several reasons we lost touch with them and it wasn’t until another tragedy struck that contact was made again. His father (my cousin) was murdered in late 2018, for simply nothing. Of course, his family in NC was contacted and the connection was made again. After hosting a memorial service for him in NC, my cousin decided to move back to be closer to the family - since his dad side was all he knew.

Upon him moving down here, reality must’ve hit hard. Things weren’t going to be as easy as he might have pictured. He had to get up and make a way for himself in a new state, basically starting over. Without any higher education or technical skills, the past few months have been trying on him. For most of 2019, he’s lived with several family members with the hopes of him saving his money and being able to stand on his own two feet. Unfortunately, that plan has not been fulfilled yet and I was one of the last options for him.

For a week, I took him to places to find temporary job placement, picked him up, looked for housing options with him, gave him hard talks, talks that I could tell have never happened before, encouraged him, and gave him so much needed family history. I explained to him that none of us have had a perfect life like I think he assumed. I explained just my story of my parent's life of drugs, alcohol, living with family members growing up (heck, I went to 5 elementary schools, one school I enrolled twice because of it), working my butt off to get to where I am and to have what I have. All that to say was that I hit him at an angle that I’m sure was not expressed before. We’re essentially peers (although I am older) and I expressed to him things from my perspective. Not an older aunt, not a grandma, not a friend - but someone who is close to his age and can understand today’s struggle.

In that week I helped him accomplish several things, some small and some pretty impactful. I was also helpful in sharing some light on family history and help to motivate him to do better because that’s what his deceased Father and Grandmother would have wanted. But in that week, he helped me too. He helped me appreciate the fact that both of my parents are alive and I have a relationship with them. My mother and I have worked hard over the past few years to develop even the smallest relationship and I’m happy that I can continue to build that. He made me appreciate the simple things that we often take for granted. Having people in my corner to push me growing up to ensure I had a great foundation (thanks Tesh, Aunt Brigette, & Granny). This situation made me appreciate my job because it enabled me to be able to purchase things like my house, car, and even a phone (which he didn’t have). I can go on and on about the moments where I stopped and said “thank you God for blessing me” but at this point, I’m sure you all get the picture.

There are a million and one reasons for us to complain. A thousand things that we wished we had or could get. Hundreds of people that we may want to trade places with, but I am here to tell you that things can always be worse. Those seven days made me appreciate the small things in life that I didn't even consider to be impactful. I hope that this story has helped you realize those things in your life and make you appreciate things a little different.

Love, Brown Girl

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around" - Willie Nelson

The New Black Friday

After watching the first episode of “Trigger Warning - Killer Mike”, it definitely made me really think about things in a new way. I know I have not been the biggest advocate for supporting black businesses because my own experiences have not been the greatest but this doc-series really has changed my perspective.

For those of you who have not seen or heard about, I suggest you watch it. I have not watched the entire series, but what I’ve seen so far has been inspirational and inspired me to challenge my thinking and was something I wanted to write about. Just to give some context, the first episode was about his 3-day journey of attempting to live black. Meaning, he could only stay at places that were black-owned, eat food that was from a black farm and cooked at a black establishment or received services from black people. During his travel to Athens, GA he had to go to extreme measures to get there and find housing. From not having food to eat or cook because appliances were not made by black people. Him having to sleep on park benches because there were no hotels that were black-owned. His journey really displayed a lack of black-owned businesses.

He mentioned how segregation, although horrible, was actually better for black people. It forced black people to go to black doctors, go to black restaurants, shop at our stores, and support each other whether we wanted to or not. That really gave me a perspective that I honestly had never even considered. That by being forced to shop within your own community actually helped your community. During the episode, he mentioned how there was a book commonly used by black people in the mid-1900s called "The Negro Motorist Green-Book" (commonly known as the Green Book), that guided a black person journey from state to state that informed them of where they can shop, stay, and visit that was black-owned. Although this was probably used me because black people could not travel to just anywhere to stay or eat, but the book helped keep the black dollars within the black community - which is something that we should try to do even when we have other options.

At the conclusion of the episode, he mentioned that it would be nearly impossible for us to do what he did for those three days because of the lack of resources we currently have. But he challenged us to create a new meaning to Black Friday. Instead of waiting until Thanksgiving to go buy things we don't need, why do we make a conscious effort to purchase items from a Black-owned establishment on Friday’s. That can be going to a restaurant, buying from a local boutique, or ordering something from a family or friend that you know personally - that is black.

I cannot promise that everything I own or wear will be black-owned, but I will make an effort to keep my money within my community and buy black. A great place to start is weshopblack.com but there also may be local sites or outlets that you can find more info on but this is at least a start.

Love,

Brown Girl

“Black people need to share collective dollars and demand equal representation, and the way you do that is by controlling their own economy and putting money behind candidates” - Killer Mike

What Soulja Boy is Showing Us

After watching interviews that Soulja Boy had this week, there are a few things that he stated that I think we all could learn from. I may not agree with every comment or his delivery, but there are two main points that I think we all could all take away.

You have to be your own biggest fan. Often times we all downplay our accomplishments and hope that other people give us the credit or ensure that people know what we’ve done - but that shouldn't be the case. Women, especially black women, often times downplay what we have done while a man will quickly boost and let others know. In my own experiences, I have done and heard other women say “we” completed this when it was an independent venture. We will say, “the group has been able to accomplish” when it was something that we found and spent hours doing. Soulja Boy may be exaggerating the truth or it all may be facts, but what I can say is that we all should take a page from his book and let others know that it was our thoughts, ideas, and work that got us here.

The second thing Soulja Boy has done that we all should do is to have multiple streams of income. During this interview, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sd9ZNYV8NZk, he was asked: “why do you have so many businesses?” - as if that is a bad thing. The little-minded interviewers made it seem as if that was a bad thing and that he should focus all of his energy into one area. I don’t think the interviewers realized how ignorant they sound or how it would have been perceived by the public, but this just shows that we need to do better. Having multiple streams of income is giving you security. In the event that one area does not work out, you have back up plans. You have another source to depend on. For him to be picked on for having that is insane. This is something that billionaires have stated as the key to success, we’ve seen A+ celebrities doing this, we’ve seen average white men doing this but once a young black man states that he is going to do the same thing, we are quick to judge. Regardless of if we agree with how much money Soulja Boy states he is bringing in or if we agree with the industries that he is working in, the point is that he is investing his energy, time, and money into several places to ensure that his finances are set up for the future.

There were a lot of antics and distractions during these interviews that may have watered down the main points but when you sit down and think about the message he was trying to give out, its something that we should all take into consideration.

Be your biggest fan and take credit and pride into the work you’ve accomplished. No one is ever going to support you as you support you.

We often spread ourselves thin when it comes to other things in life, but we hardly ever make it a practice to ensure that we have multiple streams of income. It can be starting a side hustle, getting a part-time job, putting your crafts on Etsy, Youtube’ing, or whatever else you can think of. You should ensure that you have other seeds that can help grow that money tree.

Love, Brown Girl

“It's not bragging if you can back it up” - Muhammad Ali

Girl, Where Have You Been?

I spoke to a friend recently and they asked me, “what’s going on with your blog? Are you still doing it?” It took me a few seconds to determine if I was going to give the real answer or the answer that everyone wants to hear. But I replied truthfully and stated that I took a few months away (which I didn't realize it's been that long) to gather myself. After losing my Grandfather, I needed to take some time away and work on life without him. Most people’s relationships with their Grandparents are not even close to the relationship that I had with mine. The relationship I had with them was more like a parental relationship and not a traditional grandparent relationship. They were literally factored into my weekly plans and sometimes daily. So for me to lose both of them within a year and a half, it has been a hard adjustment for me and as a result, I lost some of my drive and creativity. I needed to grieve and mourn the loss of them without thinking about blogging topics and posting on Instagram. I needed to take a few moments for myself to get my mind in a better place before I could even consider blogging again.

But this is a new year and I plan to continue to do the thing that I felt most at peace with. I plan to use my experiences and learnings that I had with Grandparents to continue to drive topics and discussions. This year, I plan to be unapologetic with my thoughts, stand 100% in my truth and handle whatever the universe throws my way.

Thank you all for being patient and understanding why I’ve been absent. But we all should take however long we need to make sure we take care of self.

Love, Brown Girl

“You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first” - unknown